


Season 13 Dean Drabbles

by JJ1564



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drabble Collection, Episode Related, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Nephilim, POV Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Sad Dean, Season/Series 13 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-01-20 06:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12426888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJ1564/pseuds/JJ1564
Summary: This is a collection of Dean-centric drabbles, each one following the latest episode, so please beware of spoilers!





	1. Thanks For Nothin'

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters, they just like to make me cry.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ve never seen Dean look as devastated as he did in this episode, and this is how I think he must be feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: SPOILERS for S13.01 Lost and Found

What the fuck is wrong with me? I shouldn’t have said that about Mom. Sammy still hopes...

I can’t have hope; that part of me is dead. As dead as Cas, Kelly and Crowley. If Mom’s alive then Lucifer’s torturing her, and that’s a fate worse than death.

But I should be looking out for Sammy, protecting him, holding back my own feelings to be there for him. I just couldn’t do it this time. I’ve been down before, I’ve grieved before, I’ve lost people. This time it’s too fucking much. When that angel-bitch wanted the Sheriff to shoot me, I wanted it too. I wanted it over.

But I can’t leave Sammy with Nephilim-boy; I know he thinks the kid is good and we just need to what – raise him? I think Jack’s got more power than he can control, and it’s all gonna end ugly.

Thanks for nothin’, Chuck.


	2. Attachment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at Dean’s thoughts and feelings about Jack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: SPOILERS for S13.02 The Rising Son.

My heart twisted when I saw what the kid was doing. Yeah, I know Jack’s not an ‘it’, that’s my front for Sammy. The sound of the blade sinking into his flesh was sickening, but worse was seeing the wounds heal instantly.

I want him to be a kid, to be good, to be an ally. But there’s no denying he’s powerful, possibly as powerful as Chuck and Amara, and he has no freakin’ clue how to handle that much power. It’s all gonna go bad. Look how easily Asshateus manipulated him.

Sam’s getting too attached to him.

I know Sam thinks I’m being unfeeling because I’m angry with Jack, and I feel the need to protect the world from him. He’s part-right, of course he is; he knows me too well. But he’s kinda missing the main reason.

Here goes. Jack’s like Cas is so many ways - too many ways - and it fucking hurts. I see him in Jack’s smile, his innocence, his desire to please, and his confusion with the world. And I want to protect him, to befriend him, to make him part of our screwed-up family.

But I just can’t let myself get attached to him.


	3. Time to Open Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean thinks about how taking Jodie’s advice to open up went so wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: SPOILERS for S13.03 Patience.

Jodie told me as we left Patience in the rearview that I need to open up and express my feelings. She said I was a powder keg ready to blow. I told her I was dealing, I was fine.

I don’t know if she expected me to pull over and weep on her shoulder. I kinda wish I had, she has nice shoulders. 

But I did what she said. I expressed my feelings to Sam, I opened right the hell up. And now it's all worse, ‘cause now I know Sammy’s dealing with so much shit. Jack’s not just responsible for killing Cas, he’s made Sammy remember stuff he should be forgetting. 

I can’t keep punching fucking walls - Cas ain’t here with his healing mojo. I guess it’s better than punching the kid; Sam still thinks Jack can be saved, that he’s like him. 

But I know he’s not.


	4. Punching Chuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean hates to admit it, but Mia was right – he’s angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: SPOILERS for S13.04 The Big Empty

So, Mia-the-good-shifter was right - I am angry all the time.

I am angry with mom for sacrificing herself, angry with Cas for being stupid enough to get killed, angry with Lucifer, angry with Crowley even though he did the right thing, and angry with myself for not being able to stop any of it.

I hate seeing Sam so sad, but at least he’s got his save Jack project.

Most of all I’m so fucking pissed with Chuck and Amara for leaving us to deal with all this crap.

And I wanna punch Chuck in his smug beardy face.


	5. Joy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean thinks of Sam as he faces Billie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS for S13.05 Advanced Thanatology

I’m so sorry, Sammy. I can’t go on. Bullets, bacon an' booze ain’t enough. The faith I asked you to have ain’t enough.

I don’t believe any more. Billie’s gonna send me to the Empty and I ain’t got the will to fight her.

I told Patience there’s no joy in hunting. That was a lie; I’ve had moments of joy – driving along in my Baby, blasting my music; you by my side, sometimes singing along, sometimes giving me the bitch face.

Saving people from monsters, sharing seedy motel rooms and cold beers with you.

You were always my joy.


	6. Win Some, Lose Some

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean thinks about how things never really change for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: SPOILERS for S13.06 Tombstone

Well, shit, seems we can’t catch a break. We get Cas back, and we lose Jack.

I should know by now to never let my guard down, to never think things are getting better, ‘cause they never fucking do.

I feel so angry and fucking helpless – again. Jack’s out there alone, some douchebag angel or demon’s gonna go after him, and try to use him.

He’s a good kid, I know that now. I wish I’d been...nicer to him. More supportive, like Sam.

And Cas barely got to know him before he took off.

So much for Team Freewill 2.0.


	7. The Winchester Luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Winchester luck strikes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: SPOILERS for S13.07 War of the Worlds

So, the Winchester luck continues to be freakin’ stellar. Jack's no where to be found - when we find the kid I’m gonna smack him upside the head for upsetting Sammy, and for making Cas meet the dicks-with-wings solo – that never ends well. 

Now Ketch is back, just when life couldn’t get any shittier. I was kinda resigned to him killing me after I tried to cure Mom. I only regretted that I’d never see Sammy again, and I’d never know if Mom was okay. Then she shot Ketch in the head.

That smug bastard needs to die all over again.


	8. The Dean He Needs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean isn’t as stupid as he pretends to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: SPOILERS for S13.08 The Scorpion and The Frog

Jody asked me once why I let folk treat me like I’m stupid. I told her it pays to make ‘em underestimate me. I’m not book-smart like Sammy, but I can research and work out clues to solve cases; I’ve got Spidey-senses and I can read people.

Sometimes it sucks though, like with Crowley 2.0; the way he pushed that pie at me like he was treating a toddler pissed me off - 'though it was good!

But I do the act for Sam, too. Stupid Dean is carefree, happy Dean.

The Dean he needs me to be right now..


	9. It's On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s number one priority is to save his mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - spoilers for 13.09 The Bad Place

I know Sam’s pissed with me and I don’t blame him; I’m pissed with me, too.

I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, pulling my gun on that kid, scaring her, forcing her to come with us.

But I guess I do know what I was thinking – mom’s alive and she’s suffering - and it’s on me. All I can hear are her screams.

I should’ve listened to Sam, I should’ve known she was still alive. We should’ve spent every hour finding a way to save her – hell, Jack managed to find a dreamwalker.

We should’ve tried harder.


	10. Never Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean thinks about how important Jody is to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on 13.10 Wayward Sisters but not spoilery.

Sometimes when I hug Jody, I don’t wanna let her go. I know that’s gotta sound weird, right?

But she’s our oldest friend outside of Cas, our one link to Bobby and happier times, though I know the way we met was far from happy.

I miss Bobby; I miss his gruff love and support. He was family, and so is Jody - I guess her ‘daughters’ are too, now. 

Charlie would’ve loved being part of our extended family. Damn, I miss my little sister.

And Jody, well, she cares about us, worries about us, looks after us.

It’s kinda...nice.


	11. No Rise, No Shine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s starting to worry now it’s 10am and Sam’s still not up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - spoilers for 13.11 'Breakdown'.

Okay, I’ve called Sam twice. He’s not up and I’m starting to freak out. It’s almost 10am - he’s never in bed this late, unless he’s seriously sick or injured.

He’s one of those annoying morning people; he’s usually been out running and eaten his egg-white omelette before I emerge in search of coffee.

I know he’s feeling guilty about the kid, Kaia, and worried about Mom and Jack. I am, too, but I can’t let myself go back down that road of despair, not again.

Sam helped me when I needed it. I just hope I can help him.


	12. The Hellish Elephant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's worried about Sam, and wishes they'd faced the hellish elephant in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on 13.12 but not spoilery.

We never talk about it. The huge hellish elephant in the room. I set the precedent by refusing to talk about my time as Alastair's plaything and apprentice. I still can’t – I gotta keep it locked away, buried deep.

I guess Sammy’s been doing the same, but with all the crap we’ve been through it’s not surprising he can’t keep it locked up any longer. The thought that Lucifer could be back is a total mindfuck. Crowley’s sacrifice - and all we’ve suffered since then - will have been for nothing.

So, Sam having to face him again? Not on my watch.


	13. Proud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean confides how he proud he is to a sleeping Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on episode 13.13, so spoilers if you're not up to date.

**_Dean_ **

I saw it, Sammy, that little flinch you made when Cas said Lucifer was topside again.

I doubt anyone else would’ve noticed, but I’ve been watching you, looking out for you for so long that I know you better than anyone.

I know you’re freaking out, you’re shit-scared, and you want nothing better than to run.

But I know how brave and stubborn you are. You won’t let that son-of-a-bitch win, because you’re just as strong and courageous as you were when you jumped into the hole.

I’m so fucking proud of you; I wish I could tell you face-to-face.

 

**_Sam_ **

I love my brother. I love how much he cares about me, how protective he is, although it drives me crazy sometimes and I need to tell him to back off.

I need his care and his fierce protection more than ever. I’m hanging on by a thread. I can’t believe that after all we went through, Lucifer is back. And mom’s stuck there.

It’s so fucking unfair, so fucking wrong. And I’m so fucking terrified.

Yeah, Dean knows me well, but he still can’t tell when I’m feigning sleep.

I’m kinda pleased about that, and I’m pleased he’s proud.


	14. The Right Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s scared that Cas’s good intentions may make him go down the wrong road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilery for S13.14 'Good Intentions'

Holy crap, Cas is getting out of control. I hate seeing him like this, it reminds me too much of when he thought he was doing the right thing with the Levis.

He looked hurt when I asked what was wrong with him, and I guess he was just doing what I’d said we need to do - whatever it takes. And I know I’ve done worse, but I don’t want Cas to go down that road again. I know he’s not human, but he’s compassionate and caring.

I hate that this friggin' war is changing him, before it’s begun.


	15. Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean thinks about what the Padre said, and about his faith.

Faith is weird. Sam used to have it, before it was beaten out of him by the life and Lucifer.

Then we met Chuck, so we know God is real. And he has a freakin’ sister.

But Chuck left; he left us with the usual mess, the ‘save the world again’ crap. I hated him for a while, but then we got Cas back. And we’re gonna save Mom and Jack.

As the Padre said, faith doesn’t mean God’s gonna reach down and protect us. But I believe we can make things better.

I need to help Sam believe again.


	16. That's a Fact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wishes Sam had enjoyed their trip to Scooby-land a bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit more light-hearted than my usual S13 drabbles, but hopefully it fits the tone of the episode. Not spoilery.

Sometimes I wish he’d just chill more. I know he’s struggling with all the crap that’s going on, but we were in a freakin’ cartoon, Scooby-freakin’-Doo, and all he wanted to do was find a way out. An’ I thought he liked dogs.

I know we need to rescue Mom, find Jack and stop the next big bad (or bads), but for a few hours we had the chance for some fun. Perhaps he had fun with Velma...

And he almost smiled when I showed him how big my mouth was - I had myself a Scooby snack, that’s a fact!


	17. Not All Douchebags Are the Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean had no choice but to leave Sam to care for the beaten, broken archangel, but he didn’t expect Ketch to tag along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is my take on Dean’s thoughts at the end of 13.17 The Thing. Sorry it’s late, I forgot to post it last week!

Seeing Sam cutting those nasty-looking stitches from Gabe’s mouth made me shudder, but it also made me realise something. Gabe’s in a helluva bad way and seems to trust Sam; Sam’s good with looking after people – not that Gabe’s a person. I ain’t leaving him alone with douchebag Ketch, even if Gabe’s a douchebag, too.

I guess we could’ve called Cas, but as we had all the ingredients, I couldn’t see the point in waiting. The sooner we rescue mom, and Jack, the better. So, looks like I’m off to dystopian-Disneyworld - with freakin' Ketch.

Damn, I hate that smarmy douchebag.


	18. Eternal Misery of the God-Two Kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean knows who’s to blame for everything that’s gone wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is my take on how Dean feels immediately after the end of 13.18, so it's a little spoilery

I shouldn’t have said what I did to Sam and Cas. Now they’ll think I’m blaming them, but they’re not the ones to blame. And I ain’t talking about me this time. 

Amara brought mom back, for me, and I thought it was fucking wonderful. But it seems it was some fucked-up punishment, ‘cause all there’s been since then is worry, disappointment and heartache. Mom left us to join the BMoL, but we got her back, only to lose her again.

Now we’ve lost the chance to save her. And Charlie, and Jack. So, thanks for nothing, Amara. I hope you and Chuck are having a shit time, wherever you’ve run off to. You two huge wastes of space deserve to make each other eternally miserable.

I guess I should say I’m sorry to Sam and Cas, but along with I love you, those are words I just can’t say.


	19. Like Mother, Like Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean knows he made a mistake telling Rowena that she’ll be killed by Sam. Thinking about her leads him to thinking about Crowley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my take on Dean’s thoughts at the end of 13.19.

I shouldn’t have told Rowena that Sammy will be the one to kill her. I’ve kinda painted a huge fucking bullseye on my brother’s back. And she seemed pretty upset about it - as much as a centuries-old witch gets upset, I guess.

And I don’t trust her, not one bit, but I can’t help liking her. She’s a lot like Crowley - annoying, self-centred, funny, sarcastic, brave. Sometimes I want to kill her, but I don’t want her to die. I never realised how much I’d miss Crowley, until he sacrificed himself.

For us.

For nothing.

The stupid bastard.


	20. Thirty-Five Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s been looking after his brother for thirty-five years. That’s never gonna change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my take on Dean’s thoughts at the end of 13.20.

Sammy doesn’t get it. He never will. It’s not about me thinking I’m better than him cause I’m older. I know he’s smarter and faster; he’s a born leader, and the geekiest geek for researching stuff.

He’s saved my life countless times, he’s always got my back. He’s not gonna die, not on my watch. He’d say the same about me, but I’m not the one thinking of taking on Lucifer in some fucking stupid quest for revenge.

So, I have to save him. Since I was four, my job’s been to keep him safe.

Sammy will never understand that.


	21. Just Keep Going

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean can’t believe that Sam is dead. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my take on Dean’s thoughts after Sam gets killed by the vamps in S13.21.

No, no, no. He can’t be gone. Not like this. It’s not real, can’t be real.

I just gotta keep it together, save Mom, save Jack.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Sam was supposed to kill Lucifer or die trying.

He wasn’t supposed to be killed by fucking vamps.

Every fiber of my being wants to run back there, kill every bloodsucker, take him in my arms and die right there with him.

But I gotta keep going, save Mom, save Jack.

Otherwise it’ll have all been fucking pointless.

I gotta keep going.

I just can’t remember why.


	22. Mary So Contrary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary has let Dean down again. This seems appropriate for Mother's Day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my take on Dean’s thoughts after the conversation in which Mary told her sons she wasn’t going back with them. As we know, Sam talked her round but Dean’s still hurt.

I’ll never understand her.

How could she stand there, knowing that Sam fucking DIED, and say she’s not coming back? She said she knows what we went through, but she’s got no fucking clue. It’s not like we flew over to see her in Australia and she decided to stay there. Opening a rift ain’t like taking a long-haul flight.

She was saying goodbye to us, making all we went through to open the rift fucking pointless. She said she loves us, but it seems she’d rather be anywhere else.

And she’d choose a bunch of strangers over us, again.


	23. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They did it - but nothing good lasts for long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR SPOILERS FOR S13.23 
> 
> This is my take on Dean’s thoughts at the end of 13.23 as Apo-Mike starts taking control.

Sammy looks so fucking happy, so relieved, ‘cause that weight has been lifted. We did it, we did, it we did it. We killed friggin’ Lucifer!

Yes, we did, Dean.

Butt out, you’re not in control here, you’re the engine remember? I’m in the driving seat.

You know, my brother was right in so many ways about you weak, feeble, stupid, pathetic...

No, you can’t... we had a deal... Sammy, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. Please try to be happy. We did it; we beat Lucifer.

Thanks for that, Dean. Time to take the back seat now.

Sammy! 

Sam...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it to the finale! Thanks to everyone who's taken the time to read my drabbles, post kudos and/or comment. I'm looking forward to doing it again for S14 - and I'm excited about the new season, too :)


End file.
